A Healthy Dose of Soft Skills – Just What the Doctor Ordered

Several years ago, I accepted a position in the Corporate Marketing department of a large bank.  Soon I was promoted to Marketing Officer where I found myself working with a power team of women whom senior management depended heavily on to successfully implement huge corporate initiatives.  I have to say…we were quite a team making things happen every day at our bank!

Several members of our team were often invited to present at senior management meetings.  Sadly, I was NEVER one of them.  This frustrated me.  Why wasn’t I being invited?  I worked just has hard as the others.  There were no differences among us.  Our education and experience levels were the same, and I was just as talented and skilled as they were.

Having a naturally dominate personality, I promptly asked my boss WHY.  He replied, “Starla, the senior management team values and appreciates the quality of your work.  We know you’re one of the hardest working individuals in this bank. However, you’re a little rough around the edges and somewhat difficult to deal with.  You may not realize this, but you can be quite abrasive.  Your soft skills need some work.”

What?  Soft skills?  What in the world was he talking about?  The only thing that truly matters is working hard and getting results, right?  WRONG! 

This was a big “ah ha” moment for me as this is when I learned that without excellent soft skills, my education, experience and work ethic would only take me so far – personally and professionally.

Long story short, my boss was kind enough to provide me with an opportunity to polish my rough edges.  I attended a training course where a DiSC behavioral assessment was used to help me better understand…

1. my work behavioral style and its strengths,
2. the behavioral styles of my colleagues and their strengths,
3. how other behavioral styles react to my style, and
4. strategies I can use to build more effective relationships with EVERYONE!

And WOW, the next thing I know, I was presenting at senior management meetings.  AND, even more teams wanted me on their team!!!  Looking back, I am grateful my boss was brutally honest.  Because of him, I received the training needed to become much more self-aware of my work behavior style and how it impacts others.  I now know how to utilize my strengths and adapt my behaviors to build rapport with everyone I work with.

Do you ever find yourself asking, “Why didn’t I get that job?  Why am I always being overlooked for promotions?  Why wasn’t I asked to be on that team?”  If so, your soft skills (or lack thereof) might be holding you back. 

Call or email me!  I can help you!  With a healthy dose of coaching and a little bit of practice, your soft skills will get the powerful injection they need to help you achieve your next level of excellence!

Yours in personal and professional development,
Starla West, Indianapolis’ Premier Corporate Image Coach

Ten Professional Networking Dos and Don’ts

Networking Dos & Don’ts #1
Don’t ruin your first impression with bad breath. Pop a few mints before you arrive and have them handy in case you need them during the event.

Bad breath is the worst when you are at a crowded event and you must lean in close to someone with bad breath. All you want to do is get away from him or her as quickly as possible. So don’t be "that guy" or "that lady" with bad breath! Add the use of a tongue scraper to your daily regimen of brushing and flossing to reduce the likelihood of bad breath throughout your day.

Networking Dos & Don’ts #2
At networking events, we become less approachable when our hands are tied up with food and drink. Remember, we are not there to eat.  We are there to network.  Always mingle first, then eat later. Eating before we arrive is a great way to curb our hunger. If we must eat, find an out-of-the-way seat, eat quickly and then resume mingling., eat quickly and then resume mingling.

Networking Dos & Don’ts #3
When eating at a networking event, be selective with the foods you choose. Choose foods that can be eaten in one bite, and stay away from foods that will cause bad breath. It is always best to select foods that can be eaten with toothpicks (and refrain from choosing "sticky" items) so that your hands stay fresh and clean for handshaking.

Networking Dos & Don’ts #4
Handshaking is impossible when you have a drink in one hand and a plate full of food in the other. If you are standing, refrain from eating and drink at the same time. Free and open arms will make you more approachable.

Networking Dos & Don’ts #5
At every networking event, there is always "that guy" who periodically spits food particles onto the plates of others. This is a great way to become the most avoided individual in the room. To improve your personal magnetism, simply refrain from speaking with food in your mouth.

Networking Dos & Don’ts #6
Always hold your beverage in your left-hand so that your right hand will not be cold, wet or clammy when shaking hands. And, in between drinks, keep your glass or coffee cup low (away from your face) near your stomach or waist. All eyes should be on YOU, not your beverage.

Networking Dos & Don’ts #7
It is easier to attend a networking event if you go with someone you know. However, resist the temptation to stay with that person all night. Otherwise, you defeat the purpose of the event. Simply use these individuals to "get you started" and then move on to introducing yourself to other attendees.

Networking Dos & Don’ts #8
Respect everyone’s personal space. Don’t stand closer than three feet to someone else unless the room is crowded. If it is necessary to stand closer, a polite acknowledgement/apology is in order. For example, "It is quite loud in here tonight, and I am having difficulty hearing you. Please forgive me for standing so close and leaning in to hear you."

Networking Dos & Don’ts #9
Engaging new acquaintances in unwelcome and unsavory topics (including gossip) is a fantastic way to create a negative first impression. Your integrity will come in to question and your new acquaintance will not fully trust you. If another attendee initiates this type of conversation, immediately excuse yourself and move on.

Networking Dos & Don’ts #10
Be a good listener and don’t monopolize the conversation. You don’t want to become known as the "one-sided (me, me, me) conversationalist." Instead, engage in a smooth flow of conversation that gently bounces back and forth between you and your new acquaintance.

Yours in personal and professional development,
Starla West, Indianapolis’ Premier Corporate Image Coach

 

A Unique Etiquette Question From a Facebook Fan

I recently received the following email from a Facebook fan…

"Hi Starla! I have an etiquette question for you. My grandma got a wedding shower invitation today and the wedding shower date is after the wedding date.  The bride is from Louisiana and the groom is from Canada. They’re getting married on the beach in Mississippi.  Anyway, my grandma was absolutely offended and thought it was in poor taste.  I just think it was bad planning, but otherwise don’t mind. What do you think?"

 To be sure I understood her question, I responded…

"Thank you for your question.  I want to be sure I understand your grandmother’s concern.  Is she upset that the shower is taking place AFTER the wedding?"

My Facebook fan responded…

"I think so.  She thinks it’s terrible.  I said that maybe they couldn’t help it because they’re from a distance and they’re having a destination wedding.  It is weird though.  Isn’t all the hustle and bustle supposed to be over with by the wedding date?"

To which I responded…

"It is a bit odd.  I have never heard of someone having a wedding shower AFTER the wedding.  Who knows what led to this decision.  The only thing within your grandmother’s control is how she responds.  I’m not quite sure why she feels offended, although I do respect her opinion that it is in poor taste.  I encourage your grandmother to respond however she deems appropriate while maintaining the class and sophistication that she would expect of you or any other woman.  I hope this helps."

The etiquette lesson to be learned here is that it is almost always best to refrain from pointing out the etiquette mistakes of others.  Very rarely is there anything to be gained by doing so – especially when the mistake cannot be easily fixed. 

In the scenario above, nothing positive will come out of letting the bride and groom know that they have done something that others feel is in poor taste.  Therefore, the best way to respond in a refined and sophisticated manner would be to make no comment at all regarding their decision to hold the shower after the wedding.  Simply wish them many, many years of marital bliss!

Thank you to my Facebook fan for reaching out and asking for this advice!

Starla West, Corporate Image Coach

The BASICS Will Make or Break a First Impression Within Seconds

The BASICS, which are often overlooked and taken for granted, will make or break a first impression within seconds!  To present your “best self,” remember to always…

1. exude a sense of genuine confidence by creating a striking presence with your posture,

2. engage others with eye contact and a slow, flooding and sincere smile,

3. share your positive and relaxed energy using a five-star handshake,

4. facilitate a smooth melody of conversation with your interviewer, and

5. properly manage your pacifying behaviors in the event you are a bit nervous.

Yours in personal and professional development,
Starla West, Corporate Image Coach

How To Ask For The Dress Code When Preparing For A Job Interview

When preparing for your interview, it is acceptable to ask for your potential employer’s dress code. 

Simply say something like, “It is important to me that I be dressed appropriately for this interview.  Will you please share with me your dress code along with any specific expectations you have for the position for which I am interviewing?” 

Then, to be immediately noticed and remembered favorably, always dress one-notch above the company’s basic expectation.

Yours in personal and professional development,
Starla West

Q & A With A Gentleman From The United Kingdom

A few weeks ago, I received the following request from a gentleman in the United Kingdom.

Dear Ms. West,

I am doing a great deal of research at present regarding motivational and life skills coaches around the world and would be delighted if I could ask a small number of questions regarding your own personal career and the success you have achieved.

If it is possible for me to send you my questions, could you please reply to me at (email address)?

Kind regards,
(personal information)

 

I, of course, agreed to answer his questions and thought I would share my answers with you, as well!

 

1. How did you find your niche in the area you are successful in today?

“I began in the banking industry as a Checking Account Consultant for various financial institutions throughout the United States where my job was twofold: (1) help my clients obtain more than their fair share of new checking customers, and (2) help them keep these customers for as long as they possibly can.

Banks are a commodity, and in the eyes of the customer they all offer the same products and services.  The only way a bank can truly differentiate itself from its competition is by providing a customer experience that leaves the customer feeling welcomed, valued, reassured and important.  In other words, the bank must provide superior customer service to stand out among its competition.

I found myself – day in and day out – helping bankers understand that it is their appearance, choice of words, behaviour and communication skills that impact a customer’s experience the most, and to create remarkable, referral-worthy customer experiences, they must properly manage ALL of these items on a daily basis.  This, of course, is the core of Impression Management.

I realized over time this was my true passion.  I absolutely love helping businesses and organizations create remarkable, referral-worthy customer experiences that keep customers coming back AND bringing their friends and family members with them.  As a result, I started my own company where I not only help the financial services industry but all the various industries throughout the United States better manage the first impressions of their employees by polishing their appearance, behaviour and communication skills.  I absolutely love it and can’t get enough of it!”

 

2. On average, how many people do you help develop, coach and inspire each year?

“Since I work primarily with businesses and organizations the answer is literally hundreds!”

 

3. In which ways are you in greatest demand?

“First and foremost, most businesses and organizations find it difficult to inspire their employees to WANT to polish their professional image.  Secondly, corporate training and employee development departments have been downsized so much that most businesses and organizations no longer have individuals on staff who are qualified to provide this type of training.  As a result, they must outsource this training to qualified experts like me who can create unique and customized training programs that are engaging and inspiring.”

 

4. What do you feel has been the key to your success during your career?

“Quite simply, it is my unwavering commitment to excellence and passion for helping businesses and organizations achieve their personal and professional best that has gotten me to where I am today!“

 

Yours in personal and professional development,
Starla West, Corporate Image & Customer Service Coach

Two Thoughts I Had While Running in the Rain

I left my office at 5pm (after having been in front of my computer since 5am) to go on a reenergizing run in the rain.  Halfway through my run I realized I was extremely uncomfortable and struggling to get through it.  This WAS NOT one of my normal runs.  It wasn’t the rain causing my discomfort.  In fact, the soft, gentle, cool rain was quite pleasant.  So what was it?

After some thought, I soon realized my mistake. Throughout the first half of my run, my head was down and I was focused on the dirty road DIRECTLY in front of me.  Plus, I was obsessing over the challenges of my day.  As a result, both were weighing me down – mentally AND physically.

Well…this was simply unacceptable.  So, I lifted my head and focused my eyes on the beautiful grayish-blue sky and deep-green foliage off in the distance in front me.  I then refocused my thoughts on the positive results I will enjoy as a result of this journey in the rain.  The next thing I know, the heaviness I felt in my chest disappeared and my energy level improved.  I picked up my pace and enjoyed a smoother and much more satisfying run. 

Thought #1
Although I do believe it is extremely important “live in the moment” and “enjoy the journey,” I also believe it is equally important to stay focused on WHERE we are headed and HOW we will get there.  If we lose sight of the purpose of our journey and become overwhelmed with the “here and now,” the journey itself becomes much more difficult than it needs to be. 

Thought #2
When we allow ourselves to become overwhelmed by the daily challenges within our personal and professional lives, it has a negative impact on our appearance, behavior and our ability to effectively communicate with others.

Here’s what happens…when we are overwhelmed and frustrated, our limbic brain “leaks” our negative feelings out to the rest of the world in the form of body language.  As a result, our facial expressions, body language, tone of voice and even our choice of words are negatively impacted.  Most of the time, this is happening on a subconscious level.  We don’t even realize it, and that is when we hear comments like, “Are you feeling okay?”  “Is there anything wrong?”  “Would you like to continue this conversation at a later date?”

To properly manage this frustration, it is important that we take mental breaks and exercise properly.  We should never deny our body the physical exercise it needs to release its negative energy.  And on top of that, we should never deny our body the physical exercise it needs to relax our mind and bring clarity back to our thoughts. 

So when you are overwhelmed and/or extremely frustrated, give yourself permission to immediately stop what you are doing and exercise!  Walk, run, bike, rollerblade, play a sport or whatever!  Just make sure you move and give your brain a chance to relax and refocus on the purpose of your journey.

Yours in personal and professional development,
Starla West

I Was Reminded of Something by a Tree Today

While running today, I saw a tree that could teach us all a great lesson. So I biked back and took a picture.

Here’s the lesson:

While the “path of least resistance" may take a little longer, be patient…it WILL eventually get you to where you want to be.

That’s not to say the more direct route is a bad one. It may simply be more challenging and laced with failures to learn from.

Summer Vacation Season is Upon Us. Are You Prepared to Tip Appropriately During Your Travels?

When traveling, we should always remember to factor tipping into our budget.  Tipping is a customary way of showing our appreciation for the quality of service we receive from the service providers who help make our vacation relaxing and enjoyable. 

We should always be prepared to generously reward good service with a monetary tip and verbal recognition.  On the flip side, we should also be prepared to call attention to bad service by reducing the monetary tip and addressing it with the service provider (and his or her supervisor, if appropriate).

That being said, if we can’t afford to tip, we should probably stay home.  It is simply unacceptable to reap the rewards of good service and not show our appreciation for it.

With summer vacation now upon us, are you and your travel companions prepared to tip appropriately?  If not, read on to brush up on your tipping etiquette.  Minimum tip recommendations for various occasions are provided below. 

Tipping Etiquette for Basic Travel
It is important to keep in mind that the people we are tipping are often times the ones most in need of extra money, so we should be generous yet fair.

• Airport skycaps and rental car/hotel shuttle drivers should receive $1 or more for EACH bag they assist us with.  Consider tipping a little extra if your bag is extremely heavy.
• Let’s not forget our wheelchair attendants!  A $2 to $5 tip is standard for their services.
• Taxi drivers should receive anywhere from 15% to 20% of the total fare with the minimum being $1.  If he or she assists with our luggage or packages, a slightly larger tip is appropriate.
  

• When using valet parking, a $2 to $5 tip is acceptable and should be given when our car is brought to us at the end of the evening.
• Bellhops should receive $1 or more for EACH bag they assist us with.  Again, consider tipping a little extra if your bag is extremely heavy.  Whenever a bellhop brings a requested item to our room, we should provide a $2 to $3 tip.
• When a doorman hails a taxi for us, $1 to $3 is appropriate.  Remember to be generous if he or she hails a taxi in the rain.

• Housekeeping should receive a minimum of $2 per day for EACH individual staying the room – or more if the room is extremely messy.  In most hotels (even four and five-star hotels), the housekeeping staff varies from day-to-day.  Therefore, I recommend tipping daily instead of at the end of our stay to ensure the tip is received by the correct individual.
  

• There are no hard and fast rules for tipping a concierge.  We should simply use our judgment.  How often we use the concierge and the tasks he or she is performing should be our guide.
  • If he or she assists us once with a dinner reservation and/or theatre tickets, anywhere from $ 5 to $30 is appropriate. 
  • If we plan to use the concierge several times during a long stay at the hotel, we might consider waiting until the end of our stay when checking out to tip him or her anywhere from $50 to $100.
• Tipping for tour personnel can be a bit tricky.  We should discuss tipping amounts and procedures with our travel agent or cruise line agent to fully understand what is expected. 
  

• When enjoying the performance of a street or subway entertainer, always drop $1 to $3 into his or her hat or instrument case.

 

Tipping Etiquette for Food & Drink

• For restaurant checks, we should tip 15% to 20% of the bill before tax based on the quality of service received.  When the restaurant is self-service, 10% of the bill is customary since the wait staff is not serving our meal. 
• For bartenders, $1 per drink is acceptable.  If we run a tab, 15% to 20% of the final bill before tax is appropriate.  We should always remember to discreetly check our bill for free drinks.  If the bartender does not charge us for a drink or two, we should be sure to add a couple of extra dollars.
• A 15% tip is acceptable for hotel room service.  Be aware that at most hotels this gratuity is usually included with the bill.  It is not necessary to write in an additional tip unless you simply want to.
• For food delivery, we should tip 10%, unless the weather is dreadful at which time I recommend a 15% tip, unless of course the quality of the service received doesn’t warrant it.

There you go!  You are now prepared to tip appropriately.  I wish you the safest, happiest and most relaxing of summer travels! 

Cheers!
Starla West, Corporate Impression Management Coach

Create A Comfortable Environment For Everyone with Proper Cell Phone Etiquette

A few weeks ago, my friend Adam was in a spin class where another attendee answered her cell phone and conducted an entire conversation – very loudly – right in the middle of class!  There is nothing more irritating than having to listen to someone’s personal conversation in a public place.  When our cell phone rings, we should quietly answer the call and immediately move to a more private location out of respect for ourselves, the caller and those around us.

Here are a few more cell phone etiquette tips: 

• When selecting a cell phone ring tone, keep in mind your selection will speak volumes about who you are as an individual.  A good rule of thumb is to remain conservative and select a ring tone that is appropriate for our personal and professional lives. The best ring tone is one that captures ONLY our attention (not the attention of those around us). Being "that guy" or "that girl" with an obnoxious ringtone will only work against us…not for us. 

• When using our cell phone in public, we should refrain from talking about personal or professional problems, financial woes, and health worries.  In addition, we shouldn’t assume it is acceptable to speak loudly because we think what we’re saying is impressive to those around us.  Show respect for others by keeping your voice low at all times. 

• This should go without being said…never swear or conduct an argument on a cell phone in public.  Nothing excuses such barbaric behavior.  It is unflattering to draw such negative attention to ourselves.  Always keep your conversation friendly. 

Yours in personal and professional development,
Starla West, Corporate Impression Management Coach