I recently received the following email from a Facebook fan…
"Hi Starla! I have an etiquette question for you. My grandma got a wedding shower invitation today and the wedding shower date is after the wedding date. The bride is from Louisiana and the groom is from Canada. They’re getting married on the beach in Mississippi. Anyway, my grandma was absolutely offended and thought it was in poor taste. I just think it was bad planning, but otherwise don’t mind. What do you think?"
To be sure I understood her question, I responded…
"Thank you for your question. I want to be sure I understand your grandmother’s concern. Is she upset that the shower is taking place AFTER the wedding?"
My Facebook fan responded…
"I think so. She thinks it’s terrible. I said that maybe they couldn’t help it because they’re from a distance and they’re having a destination wedding. It is weird though. Isn’t all the hustle and bustle supposed to be over with by the wedding date?"
To which I responded…
"It is a bit odd. I have never heard of someone having a wedding shower AFTER the wedding. Who knows what led to this decision. The only thing within your grandmother’s control is how she responds. I’m not quite sure why she feels offended, although I do respect her opinion that it is in poor taste. I encourage your grandmother to respond however she deems appropriate while maintaining the class and sophistication that she would expect of you or any other woman. I hope this helps."
The etiquette lesson to be learned here is that it is almost always best to refrain from pointing out the etiquette mistakes of others. Very rarely is there anything to be gained by doing so – especially when the mistake cannot be easily fixed.
In the scenario above, nothing positive will come out of letting the bride and groom know that they have done something that others feel is in poor taste. Therefore, the best way to respond in a refined and sophisticated manner would be to make no comment at all regarding their decision to hold the shower after the wedding. Simply wish them many, many years of marital bliss!
Thank you to my Facebook fan for reaching out and asking for this advice!
